On relationships (a long read)

I pondered for a long time before I put up this post up. I realised its very lengthy and very personal indeed. I do not plan to add any pictures to this post even. It is sort of a heart-to-heart kind of post. Most of you out there, please take it with a pinch of salt.

At this point in time, I think I am quite happy. I can still manage to take out my camera and snap non-stop! This shows I am well =) The days when my camera does not have much influx of pictures can actually signify I am not that happy =P I still do rant and complain. Forgive me for that, I am a girl =P And I could also be known as Ms Complain CC what?! =P

He is moving on well =D This is part of the reasons I am happy =) Sorry that we were only meant to be friends, a very close one though =) And thank you for everything, every single thing. I wanted to ask him face to face whether all he is doing now is to hide from the fact that I am not meant for him or was it because its really from his heart. Ok, I did ask in MSN but he ignored me. Ignorance is what he is best at other than diverging the topic =S But whatever it is, I am happy at how things are right now =)

Another he was very weird asking if I ever liked him or if he have a chance (something along that line). Ok, it was a casual question which I chose to shrug off. I think it was always very clear that I am not into guys who are younger than me, or should I say mentally immature? I do not meant to say you are mentally immature though. Just, probably its also a case of we-are-not-meant-to-be. But, I am happy that things are like this now. We still can still get things around like everything is normal. =)

For me, there is no specific criteria for any guy actually. Age is not a big problem. I set the age limit to scare or warn those around me only. I said I do not like immature guys because I have been meeting too many of them (of whom all I do not have feelings for). I just probably need you all as friends. I have not yet found the right one… or probably I did and he fits the bill cleanly. But I stopped already. Ok, I have not yet stopped. I am learning to stop. I am a little afraid… Ok, I am very afraid. Whatever the reason is, this is not the time to talk about. So, HALT!

Back to my topic…

I do not know. Maybe it is just me? I am still a pleasant friend even though things do not turn out right. Just do not persist when I say I do not want. It will be very annoying? You can hang around to try and touch my heart but do not go overboard. Learn to let go when it clearly does not work. =) I believe we can still always be friends once we learn to move on with life. There is no such thing as I cannot live without you (or just that it has not hit me?) CONTRADICTION! LOL

Every girl loves being told someone likes or loves them, I assume? So I am actually happy =) But if you are one of those guys who cannot accept NO for answer, and make things turn bad and invite hatred, please stay far from me. I do not need such temperamental guy as friend. Thank you very much from the deepest of my heart =)

On friendships, I make better friends with guys than girls generally. But I do have girl friends who are very very fantastic and I heart them to bits ❤ Just I find many girls very troublesome and very complicated. Especially when they see you as rival? But just as I said, its just me stereotyping some girls that I met quite a lot these few years. And those are the people I am talking about. I could just be one of them =P

Mostly the girls that I can talk to and share, they are nice. Well, everyone is nice generally =D Some what also not so ladylike, like me. That is not an insult. Just plainly not as ladylike as other girls only =P Me, myself is good enough a trouble for myself, I do not need other girls who are as troublesome as (if not more troublesome than) me to complicate my life more. And guys are more rational I think.

I prefer to talk to those with a more rational mind (even some girls) as I am at times (ONLY!) irrational =D I sometimes wonder what brings many others to say I am too rational? Ok, to give myself the credit, I can be over-rational (if there is such a thing) at times. The best example: ever since I learnt to understand, I chose to not harbour any hatred feelings against my mother because I believe, when a relationship failed, both parties are at wrong. Well, in fact I never hated her before, even after I know the true story behind the divorce.

Anyway how, I love people who are rational most of the times or at least when giving me the advice I need. They can snap me out of my irrationality. And give me a good gauge of what to and what not to =) Bring me to reality. I also love the fact that those around me are not biased =) I learnt that what affects me should never affect the others even though I rant or complain to them. They can just listen and calm me down =) Ranting is a privilege for girls! =D

On family, hmmm… I realised I talk rather very little of my problems to my family. Seriously, anything unhappy or my sickness unless its very bad. But, yeah they are my family, they know when I am unhappy even though I do not talk about it. But they do not probe. And they know I cannot even take a little pain. (This is not known as spoilt ok? =P) But I know how serious my gastric or others can go up to (being paranoid sometimes HAHA). Those are the times only I will tell just in case I need to get admitted into hospital. Otherwise, I would rather shut up than invite all those nags and scoldings. They always think that I do not know how to take care of myself properly and sufficiently. Oh well, yes I do not know but at least I am learning =) I will be fine =)

And I think I come from a rather traditional family where my dad does not tell me he loves and misses me all the time unless I am far away (like when I was in Paris?) and also sometimes when I am in Malaysia. My dad once told me he is not a good father because he was too young. Now, he knows better and thus, got on better with us and also my baby sisters. It was also the fact that my uncle started to have his own family and my aunt got more busy with her work. And we got to stay with my dad for longer period and spend more time together.

My mum (stepmom) is a fantastic mom. To people whom I mentioned to, they would first ask me if she is nice. OMG… too much Disney. Seriously, she is fantastic =) I love her actually =) She is very affectionate and tells people we are her children no matter what. She cares and loves us like we are her own children. What more do I ask for? She once told me that she does not know how to teach us because she felt like she does not have the right to scold us because she is not our real mum but also sort of have the role to teach us because she is the wife of our dad. *teary eyed* I never chose to call her aunt for I know she is a mother to me =D

On the fantastic-ness of my uncle (and his wife) and aunt, words do not do justice to them. All I can say is that I never wish to turn back time. And I never wish that things could be more different or that my parents never divorced. My childhood memories were built by them and I am a very happy child indeed =) (Perhaps my sometimes over-optimism made me chose to remember the happy things only. It is impossible to never feel sad what?) But I did have a very bad memory on one thing (mind you all, not sexual abuse or what ok?!) LOL But it matters no more now because my family support me in choosing to slowly forget and hopefully forgive. =)

I am indeed very blessed and should learn to hold on to happiness than dwell in sadness. I am learning to climb out of the hole I accidentally trudged into. Thank you to everyone; for everything and anything, even the shittiest times some of you all gave me. Those helped me grow too, hopefully into a better person =) I heart all of you =)


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