Archive for December, 2010


Facebook is undeniably a good social tool. It allowed me to keep in touch with a lot of my friends whom we would not have even kept in touch with without Facebook. kept in touch as in “stalking”. Well, I do that (nothing to hide) when I see interesting pictures posted up by them or people they are closer to.

It also allowed me to get slight updates of my best and close friends. It does not mean that your best or close friends would be talking to you 247 just because they are your best or close friends. People will come into busy phase in life. And for these, I am grateful to Facebook.

But, Facebook is not everything. There might be some who post a lot of their private lives up on Facebook, some partial, some little and even there are those who posted none. Whatever it is like, for those whom you care, you would go a little further than just stalking. You would leave behind footsteps =)

In the setting up of Facebook account (which was when I was still in Paris), I have decided that I want something different to Friendster. I want to only add people I know yet talk to. Talking is really important to me. Talking as in leaving messages, posting on walls, exchanging comments etc. Or in real life, we did/will talk again.

There was this woman of my age. She came to my world when I was still in upper primary (I think). She was a really nice and gentle girl. But in recent years, she changed so much. Probably that is her “personality” online. I dislike how she is “fake”. Yes, what right do I hold to say she is fake?

Making up a boyfriend she never had (fully equipped with the account and commenting right away on her statuses once she posted them etc) That was really too much. She went for some threading (traditional ways of getting your eyebrows shaped etc) and she made it as if its a really expensive procedures that only the stuck-up bitches can afford them. She asked for a favour from mutual friends to get her some “studio” pictures taken yet she made it as if she got invited to do some photoshoot. TOTALLY SHAMELESS. To this day, I refuse to approve the friendship between me and that mutual friend of us. There were a lot more stories and I just can justify them just because Brunei is small and we have lots of mutual friends xD

And it was only yesterday, I decided to remove her from my friend list. I contemplate that long ago but then someone said no (forgot whom) so that I can continue to see the drama. However, I guess, those drama is not worth my time. There were some virtual catfights but it was not fun cause I do not know who the other party is! xD HAHAHA Nosy enough?! XD Whatever, she would also only keep those who agree to her in her friend list! GAHHHHH

Previously there was also this guy whom I just know. He would talk to me like how my other closer friends do. Who give him that right? No one needs any right to playfully bully me. But I do not like people who are not close to me yet want to act like they know me well. Sorry, please back off! And yes, I removed him as friend. And refused to answer to him in MSN when he “accidentally” sent the wrong message to my MSN. Well, it could be real that he accidentally sent them since I did those mistakes quite a few times before. But… whatever!

Then there is this other person whom I was acquainted with in the lab when Dr Juan brought me to have a look around. She could be considered a direct senior for the project I was working on (and haven’t started yet then). Just figuring I could ask more about it through Facebook once I started on it, I added her. She never added me and yet told others about how I was adding her up despite barely knowing her. I never beg for friendships. I am not bragging but do you need to beg for friendships? If you do, is that REAL friendships? I totally dislike how she made me feel. And, *God knows why* she just suddenly added me yesterday. And I got the notification right away. But I just de-friended her without second thought, without even looking through her things. Probably I should have! LOL

Ahhh… Facebook. Mine is well-locked from strangers and I am still screening off those strangers on my friends list (I do not know how it got there sometimes). But I still never put up more secretive stuff (there are still some who snoops around!) And people think its so attention seeking for what I post up there. Just cause they do not do the same! (I think) And yet, they still read and acknowledge what happened to me or what I am experiencing. I am not complaining, I actually feel grateful. And I am happy there are people who knows better 😉

Facebook could be where lots of mirages appear,

The one who is still sane xD


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My first post after being back in Brunei. The previous one does not count because that was typed while I was still in Malaysia. Not that I did not want to post that then, it was just that the internet was too crappy for me to post back then.

Back the day before Christmas’s eve. Totally worn out as I did not sleep prior to the flight, on flight and after the flight. Was at my dad’s office the whole day after I got down the flight. Online, nap, persuade my grandma to come from KB house to BSB (upon my aunt’s request), online again, nap again, HOME at midnight =.=

Guess what? Despite the tiredness, I did not sleep =.= At 9am (without any sleep at all), I went to Jangsak house. There, I planned to nap in the mini theater for two hours. But end up sleeping five hours o.O Never expected to sleep so long.IMG_1635 When I was up, turkey was done. the third and fourth chicken were in the oven.

My baby cousins entertained me, kept me companied before my brother came to bring all those baked meats out. And I went to the restaurant, wandering around doing nothing. The kitchen helpers are all new =.= Waitresses remains but they are not like the previous ones.

My dad suddenly came out of the kitchen with lots of blood on his little finger =.= He refused to go to hospital. After much persuasion, went to A&E. Got four stitches =.= And then, the Christmas’s Eve celebration begins =)IMG_1641 Sorry, was lazy to take pictures. Not much to put up. Just lots of food, gathering with family and lots of questions about work/further studies/future. Luckily my dad’s friends not around. Or I would be hiding in my room =.=

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Lack of pictures

Not that I do not take them. Just, I was caught up with some stuff and now? LAZY xD Been going out, doing some stuff, helping some friends, feeling down, feeling unwell, etc… long long list of excuses xD Yes, EXCUSES xP

I remember that I stop posting pictures after the Lang Redang trip. Perhaps I should start from there again? =) This year I have been to quite a few new places and I am really glad having been able to make them. All thanks to my lovely bunch of friends.IMG_5904a (8)After Shanghai was Brunei and then to Sunway for the first semester of year 3! During the semester break, I went to Lang Tengah and Langkawi with two different groups of friends. IMG_5734Was at Lang Tengah with Jasmine Cheah, Caroline Ang and Yeen May. Yumni and Jillian suddenly pulled out wasting the money =( But it was still fun =D  IMG_5738This is a very scenic place which I love the most. Right in front of the place we stayed =) IMG_5838And this is the hideout place we would go to every morning and evening (not to say that there were many mornings and evenings but it was really the quiet place we resort to when we could not snorkel!) IMG_6200 Then back to Brunei and to Langkawi alone. Yes, I went alone xP And met up with Jimmy there. IMG_6531He picked me up from the airport and I stayed at his house throughout the days there. IMG_6274Joshua Tan, Shayini, Cheryl and Zen-Xern were there too =) But they stayed in a guest house or chalet. =)IMG_6325The very first night I arrived, I also met up with JJ, Wen Hao, Jasmine Foo, Chu Ying, Sze Ling and Hayden. IMG_6324Had lunch with both groups together before JJ et al. leave for Sunway.IMG_6457The remaining days were outing with Joshua et al. =) Went visiting to a few places using a rented car too as Jimmy wanted to spend some time with his family before going back to Sunway. IMG_6432The hospitality from him was very much appreciated. He has always been so nice =) and is really one of the nicest person I have been acquainted with =) Lang Tengah was not on my list of place to visit as I did not really know about it but I am glad to have made it there =) IMG_6357Langkawi was a deal with Jimmy since I met him! I was very ambitious then to want to visit (literally) everyone’s hometown! xP And I am glad I did make it to Langkawi =) Of course, there were more places that I wanted to go such as Ipoh, Melacca and Cameron Highlands. But could never find the right time and people to go with. When it was breaks, I would be back to Brunei. I cannot stay in Brunei for a short time only because its HOME. HAHA

And this year end, I got to go to Ipoh, Taiping, Bidor, Ipoh again, Cameron Highlands, Singapore (Universal Studio!) and then to Melacca! Last but not least, Bukit Tinggi (French village and Japanese tea house xD) I is the very happy kid who got to go to all these places with such memorable people ❤ All these are filling into my bottomless jar of happiness.

More pictures on the places I mention soon,

The one who keeps her promises xD

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Come here, they worry. Stay here, they worry. NOW, even go back, they have to worry! I really need to get back an independent hold on my life =(

Maybe its really the best for me to stop dreaming about continuing in research. Maybe its really time to go back to Brunei and resettle myself. I was given enough freedom and wishes (which were nicely fulfilled) by my family. Just this one time, they have the say and not me…

It would be nice too to be back with my family. I can always see my lil baby sis. I can instill the reading habit in them. I can help them in their studies and see them grow up. I spent the least time home. Last time was due to studies in another city, then to Paris then over to Malaysia here. Maybe now, its really the time… I would not want them growing up not having fond memories of playing with me right?

I could even earn money (either stipend from doing Masters or getting a real job) and start my true dreams of travelling (I never forgot about this!). I plan to continue my piano lessons, and possibly start violin (another thing planned long ago). And with this, I extend, to let both my baby sisters learn an instrument too.

And its time I start to grow up… I hope things will be fine again soon =( Hopefully I get the good news tomorrow afternoon. Not a bad one =(

Very worried now,

The one who should really learn a good lesson!

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I once had this dream…

No… do not laugh. Promise? *pinky swear*

Yes, I had this very dream of living in an apartment. But I was afraid of the notion of having to live in an apartment alone yet wanted more than one housemate. I am used to having a room to myself xD

So my thoughts went faraway to having a maid of my own too in that rented apartment. She would also be a very good friend of mine. A maid who would be a good friend of mine is different from a good friend of mine being my maid, ok?

She would take care of the cleanliness, prepare simple meals, not much cooking, for me and herself. She could also run errands for me and all. This simple. Living harmoniously. So, having another housemate or not is not really the key. Just having a maid. TO DO HOUSE CHORES. I seriously dread them.

Well, it was like maybe ten years back? Or maybe eight years? HAHA Living out so long, I did not do much. Like, seriously. Well, except Year 2 because I was living in a shared apartment with joint responsibility to keep it clean.

In Year 1, I only did vacuuming. It was what I did once or twice a week. Very diligently because I was sharing a room with Su-Lyn. We mopped once only xD HAHAHA… or was it twice?! Throughout the whole year! LOL The living rooms and all, there was someone arranged by the management to clean the place twice weekly.

In Year 3, I lived alone in a rented room. With a bathroom so it was all me to keep the room and toilet clean. I used to clean the living room in the earlier days when I moved in, then I got busy, so I just cleaned my room and the toilet. Simple cleanings. Then I got busier, I never did any cleaning anymore. The toilet was cleaned less than three times by me xD HAHAHA… but it is relatively clean, alright?! xD

My room was the worst. Hairs everywhere… DUST! How I hate them but never bothered much. The most, I would pop some anti-histamines and sleep! xD And today, I had to do some major cleaning but got sick. Despite diarrhea, I cleaned the room slightly from 6pm to 9pm. Threw out quite some stuff. Got runny nose. Since the last cleaning (which was when my family was here and they cleaned the whole place – like really CLEAN the place LOL), the dust build up was unimaginable =.=

Though I do not still dream of having a maid living with me in an apartment next time, I would still want to work hard, study hard, live hard. Hard enough to earn enough money to let me enjoy yet get myself a maid/personal assistant who would do all these!

Living independent,

The one who failed terribly in house chores.

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Precious lil gem of the family

I guess my youngest baby sister is the gem. My mom was so sudden, just want to skype. Usually my sister would be the one who skype with me and they would just join in.

Probably she made the skype account and coincidentally saw my facebook status on how nobody would understand. Or perhaps someone kept a tab on my blog post and saw my previous post.

My baby sis, albeit six years old, still could not talk fluently. No, she does not have ADHD, Down Syndrome or autism. She is normal but just in terms of speech, she is a slow learner. Other aspects, she is faster than fast xD

She talked to me about Christmas, about presents at Jangsak house, about school, about swimming, about going to KB for kolomee tomorrow, etc… I so miss her =( My other baby sis was already asleep. Considered early for her since it will be Sunday xD

My sister, on the other hand just MSN-ed me from her room while I was skyping with my baby sis in the parents’ room. She was too lazy and tired to make a move! Ahhh… well… going to see her soon anyway. She is coming over xD

Decisions decisions decisions,

The one who dislike this kind of uncertainty! =(

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Who would ever understand?

Sometimes I would just feel so tired. Tired of explaining. I have never liked explaining but I learnt that habit. It was learnt. I always tend to explain things now.

But it is so tiresome to sometimes just to let people know why it is so hard to make a decision on whether I am going to continue my honours or not. Whether I want to work or not. Whether my future is just about research or work or whatever?

I felt the clench in my heart receiving calls/sms-es from the family telling me about Christmas and New Year together. About me coming home. About the expectations. Asking if I am eager to be home. I actually am but then I could not bear the feeling and uncertainity of not being able to come back for another chapter of my life.

I do not know how to let people know this is a very bad feeling. How to express?

Living the dilemma,

The one who needs the freedom.

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