Of thoughts during exams

I really dislike this feeling. The urge to express and write my many thoughts during exams. It just seems that only during the exam period that blogging is a must. HAHA

Excuses to procrastinate. Anyway, this thought lingered for many years. More specifically since 2009.

Back then I met a girl who I can see a bit of myself in. But, of course, she made herself more obvious!

It was always me when I talked to my friends in Malay, to mix English. My spoken Malay is terrible. Don’t ask me about my citizenship status (HAHA!). And trust me, it is funny. I cannot imagine how my spoken Malay can be THAT bad. But I dare speak them, as I get corrected and learn from them. Then this girl barged into my life. Not that she was not unwelcomed, just that after I found out that she is not a friend material to me (yes, to me only perhaps), I realised we do share some similarities, e.g. love for travel, down to earth, etc. Sadly those similarities are very minimal. I enjoy finer things in life but not as in a luxurious lifestyle or branded goods, but just simply to be nice to myself. I do not skimp on myself (more, to others maybe HAHA) But don’t mistaken me, I can be nice to both myself and people I care too (in monetary terms, I am quite the unselfish one but if you make me do it, the more I won’t do so; so just wait for me to be in a giving and good mood =P)

I diverged =S So, I was talking about speaking Malay, tinged with English here and there. So this girl was always cracking up with her unique way of talking. And when I did so in my way, people (and she herself, I think) thought that I copied her, or in a nicer sounding way, got influenced by her. At one point, I was even defensive and explained that, it IS me. I wasn’t mimicking or what. But I just got brushed off.

Coming back to think of what happened back then (yes, I live a life of past, memories…, but not dwelling there, just re-visiting at times =P), I wondered why I even bothered to defend myself? Does it matter that much? What others think or do, should be independent of what I am. I would like to think I have matured enough to learn to let go and ignore whatever that I dislike (selective hearing eh?). I do not know, many thoughts (one such example was the aforementioned) come back to me all the time. It makes me think, ha! That was what I did when I was younger.

Even now, I find myself so defensive at times and wanting to explain everything. If not because of laziness, I think I would have explained all the time! Haha… I came to realise winning an argument is nothing at all. So what if you won an argument? You lost the relationship factor, bits by bits every little time you win that argument (In Chinese: 赢了面子 伤了和气). I am always reminding myself what my uncle and Jeou Yee taught me (by their actions, not their words). When someone mentioned something you think is incorrect (well, you yourself can be incorrect too anyway), just send your message across as a statement and let the person insist on whatever they want.

This year, I met a girl who just loves to win any argument. And I am learning the you-can-have-this-argument-but-don’t-say-I-never-told-you-so haha!

Still growing and learning,

The one who is imperfect in so many ways!

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