Of thoughts and gratefulness

As I grow up, I tend to write less here. I am chatting with Jasmine C. as I pen this blog post. I feel the urge to blog this very moment down (in tears!) Not because I am sad, but rather I was touched and very grateful for what had happened. And I opted to tell her that to make her realise people who care will understand.

I used to be a very sad person and always cannot understand why I am sad. Just after returning from Paris, I realised I am very much more luckier than many others. And that, I cannot compare everything with others. The grass is always greener on the other side but then try and enjoy the greenness under your feet, perhaps you will find that the “greenness” does not matter. It is the state of mind that is more important? You know how there is a saying: Life is 10% of what happens and 90% of how you react.

The year after Paris, I am like a changed person, very happy and positive. I was enjoying life basically and learning to be happy! University first year was full of adapting to new environment and making loads of new friends daily. Second year came and I was so upset. I slid back into unhappiness. There were a group of “friends” who sort of “bully” me just cause of things I cannot understand; I was naive perhaps. Perhaps my selfish personality? Or being a big spender ticked them off? I always suspected that they think I like one of them and also affected the friendship, but this is just a small part of the whole issue? Then, there is one whom I know for sure acted like he cares but just actually being a nosy pecker. I trusted him and he betrayed me by manipulating my words to others. I never tell others and I forgotten exactly what happened (my memory has always been poor haha). But I do remember I shared my views with him and him only and he twisted my words and conveyed it to another person who then never chose to listen to my side of story. And the unfriendliness saga begins. And I was mean too because I purposely showed him how I can be mean to him too, in front of our friends.

Anyway how, all those are not important any more though they still bring me to tears. I am actually very happy those happened because they shaped me for who I am now too and also bring more valuable bonds into my life. I kept quiet when everything falls apart and got so upset. I was unwilling to share because I never want to spread the unhappiness but then I got to realise that being upset also exuded unhappiness. But I do not know how to share because sharing means I make my friend think badly of “them”. But they are not “bad”, just perhaps they did something which I receive as hurt in me. And we all share the same social circle in the university. But, they talked about me behind me all the time as if I do not know. People cannot keep their mouth close and it hurts to know they listen to them without even asking my side of story. I just kept telling myself, these were all the friends I made in my first year. My “friends”. Perhaps not many can understand the hurt in me.

Anyway how, all those were terrible moments which I do not want to revisit. I wanted to share that there are many I am ever grateful to, and also a certain one guy. He made me talk and told me spilling them out is good. He managed to defuse a ticking time bomb within me. I can cry in front of him and release the unhappiness. Well, other than him, there were many others who brought me out of misery and made me a stronger person. Their company definitely kept me sane and entertained. Very grateful and blessed indeed. I try my best to keep in touch with them, as they are and will be my friends for life ❤

Thank you very much to everyone of you who matters a lot to me,

I will live to be a happier person.


1 Response so far »

  1. 1

    JJ Lam said,

    People come people go, only the most important people will always accompany you 😀
    You can talk to me while you emo, will reply you if i free


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