Archive for April, 2015

Of future and opportunities

How do I want to write my future?

Why did I reject the international internship opportunity? So now..another opportunity come along..PhD. Do or don’t do?

Putting on thinking cap,

The one who is thinking of what she wants in future?


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Of love and fidelity

I cannot imagine just yet. Being with someone for ten years and within that nine years they have been so loving and caring of one another but the guy never said “I love you”. After the nine years, the girl got tired of waiting and waiting with no prospect. And the guy let it be (but in fact he did not plan to let go of the girl, he secretly bought a house under her name — that was why he reduced the “pocket money” for her). But during their sixth year, she already told him that the most she will wait is only ten years. And on the ninth year, he sort of “changed” and seemed like he doesn’t care. She thought it was over and got a new boyfriend. It was not a clear-cut we-are-over kind of relationship between her and the “former”. The new boyfriend is also as nice, if not better, than the “former”.

Within few months of knowing her, started meeting her family and proposing. In preparation to get married with her, bought her a new VW Beetle and even got a land and planned to build a house. Everything is progressing well until a week before the tenth year anniversary with the “former” the “former” looked for her again and she told him “Sorry, it is too late, I am getting married”.

Both guys are married, with kids and very wealthy. The boyfriend actually is the higher ranking officer of the “former”, and so actually receives bigger pay cheque! But in terms of commitment and love, I definitely think the boyfriend is better. When their wives knew of their relationship (two different wives at two different occasion), the “former” was running away and hiding leaving her to lick her own wound but the boyfriend stood up for her and said it is his own fault for the extramarital affair. BUT, they both can marry her legally (Muslims), just the boyfriend is more responsible and committed and hence decide to wed her but not the “former”.

She just want a loving legalized family. She has her own kids too. She has to take care of their feelings and to not let others words and actions hurt them as they grow up. What is the point of asking her to get back with him when he does not plan to wed her and to keep her in the illegal relationship (in which if found out will be penalised according to Syariah law)?

I for once will never, well try my best, to never get into another person’s family. It hurts not matter how much you think you love. But then everyone has their own story and in these cases, the wives of these husbands involved with her do really have their faults too but it might not seem obvious to others. People just point fingers at her, and sometimes the husbands. In my eyes, all parties are at fault! We cannot judge others relationships and choices anyway. I would just like to lend her my ears and shoulders.

It takes a lot to build a relationship but just a little to ruin it. Case in point, nine years of relationship ruined by one year of cold shoulder. And also his inability to commit openly to their relationship. After all those years, he finally said “I love you” when she wanted to get married with another guy. Too late. Just too late.

We can make a good novel/drama out of their ten years long relationship. Like seriously, all the ups and downs!!! In the usual idol drama, the girl lead will be back with the “former”, But in this reality, for the happiness of my friend, I believe he will be better with the boyfriend.

Wishing her all the best,

The one who doesn’t want to judge others choices.

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Of cauterization

Was always “threatened” with cauterizationwas but never wanted it cause I am so afraid of pain..even the slightest one. I think my pain tolerance threshold increased tremendously over the last five-six years but the thought of unnecessary pain is unbearable. Don’t describe how you got hurt to me. The process is an arduous and painful one for me!

So finally the day has come. Two raw spots inside my nose.. Result of the bleedy leaky nose! See! I said it is NOT pimple. Rare thing to even find a pimple on my face.. What more INSIDE my nose hahaha Local anaesthetic did help a lot I guess given that I felt numb yet it still stings so much. Can’t imagine it without the anaesthetic. Now the spray perhaps has got to my throat, nose only a numb nose but also numb throat like when I get mild allergies to kiwi on tongue and throat hahaha.. Actually it is not that painful. Laid my head back and swabbed with silver nitrate! All done within minutes.

Oh and a good news! My special medicine (not special as in rare but as in need approval from government to specially order the medicines for us – need to be a citizen for this) has been approved and I officially got the medicine now (yay to free medicines :D) haha

I’m a very strong person,

The one who is extremely blessed!

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Of considerations and love


I am going through a phase and what a coincidence, watching a drama and one of the characters said this “模糊了友谊、妄想了爱情”

I am going through a phase in which I am liking a very good friend but I don’t think things will work out the way I want. I gave it a long long thought and decided not to tell him. I even thought about how we can maintain the relationship and what will be our future. Everything just doesn’t make sense… So I decided to just cut it off myself. I told two persons about this because I am so amused with how honest I am with myself and the very first time I am so truthful about myself (when talking to others).

One of them told me to just confess and see what response I will get but the other advised me to think properly and supported my decision not to tell. I know most people will say the first and ask me to just be proactive. It is definitely a good thing to fight for what you like. But what is the point when you know what you are fighting for will not be something you can continue to enjoy?

That’s my love life at the moment. I guess this once again proved that I need a more than friend trust to love. My most recent two relationships in UK gave me great ideas about trust in a relationship but this moment is what truly makes me accept that.

I have loved so I have lived,

The one who doesn’t need to own to love.

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