Archive for July, 2016

Of love and macrame

We had a macrame session at Lorna last week (pizzas and Coldplay concert on TV!) and last night, our second macrame session at Dasuni’s (Chinese takeaway and yummilicious Gu’s zillionaire cheesecake pots)! So good.

Made friendship bracelet and feeling proud of myself :p It was an eventful night. But just want to jot down something discussed in between. Felt sad and very selfish indeed but I just kept thinking if I don’t just give it a try, how will I really know?

A certain someone gives me flowers every weekend. Sounds sweet and romantic eh? I don’t really think we are a good match. But… Isn’t it sweet if someone knows how to give you “expected” surprises? Can’t say I am unhappy with receiving flowers but I can’t tell why I am upset too. Maybe just not wanting to lead him on? But you’d have to give credit to someone who is so persistent eh? Not too sure.. Sounds pretty selfish trying to convince myself to try it out with him…

What got me thinking about these was when the girls were talking about proposals and marriage. It sounds like most love happen naturally. I never expected my love to be a dramatic type. I always believed love can be nurtured. And hence being friends is a good basis to start if things/feelings are right. If you can’t even be friends, that says a lot about difficulties you’ll face in the future? But then again, there are some who reminded me there is no such thing as waiting for Mr Right! You have to catch Mr Wrong and make him the Mr Right! Haha… 

It doesn’t help too when many of the articles showing up on my FB newsfeed are about relationships (don’t settle for just anyone, learn to let go, learn to say goodbye, etc.). Really feel like I won’t be happily in love forever. Hence selfishly thinking I should just settle… Maybe I should really settle! :S It’s really sweet listening to others’ couple stories. I am not exactly jealous but I think I am envious. I think I am too insecure to be worthy of that love. Do I really deserve that?

Maybe I should give myself a “time”. Time to just settle… And stay positive things will be better as I work on them. Though I really prefer more effortless one. When will that “time” be? One month? Three months? Half a year? A year? Graduation? And what will be a basis to settle? When I can’t find the one (maybe there is someone out there that likes me and I quite fancy him, just I am too thick to see/feel or just straight stupid that I can’t see it) or the one I like doesn’t show interest? I don’t know! It hurts to think now..time to sleep.

The one who tries hard to not settle for just about anyone (but might fail to do so…).

P.S. I think the time will come that I will just settle.. Maybe in a few days time? A week? Ahhh..nevermind. When the time comes, then it will be! :X 


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Of bloody knees


Not sure the actual picture source and can’t be bothered to look it up. Convenience of blogging from phone means I don’t Google while writing here. When I came across this picture on Facebook, it striked a chord. Not very sure why.

Then I read the caption that came along with it. Something along the lines of “you don’t have to chase after something that’s meant to be”. I found that very apt at that time. But recent days, I have been subconsciously thinking about this picture. It’s NOT really about not chasing something you want in life. It’s more of not chasing after something that doesn’t really the point that you hurt yourself.

Having something in your life should be a happy thing.. Not something depressing/hurtful. It can’t be something good when you finally got it (after having hurt yourself so much) and still (most probably) live in insecurity of losing it.

The one who feels a bit too emotional recently.

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Of denial

Haven’t been able to really focus on work. Heck..not even sleeping well! Perhaps I do get the sleep I need but I dislike how I spent so many hours before sleep thinking about all those “what ifs”… Not sure if I am hurting but I don’t think I should let this go on. I will regain my foothold and re-focus on whatever I should be doing!

The first priority now is get back the strong drive and re-focus on my work. Stop thinking (no, not over-thinking..just don’t think about it!). I can’t help it when there are things reminding me all the time and it doesn’t help if everyone who sees me ask me about it 😦

I am avoiding as much as I can but I can’t bring myself to throw some stuff away (just yet). I really need to re-focus and distract myself! I have so much to look forward to: Rui’s wedding, bonding session with Rita/Agata, moving back to campus, new role, PEPG workshop, Harry Potter show! I must try my best! 🙂 I can do it!!! 🙂

The one not wanting to live in denial and a broken heart.

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